Alone in this world

Woke up this morning to see my article  shared by someone. It made my day a lot better to see someone finds it to be of use. And it encouraged me to write today.

This article might be confusing. As I don’t really know where to start and what to say. It doesn’t have a proper start and finish. So you might as well stop reading here or continue till the end if you also feel confused and misunderstood sometimes.

I’ve been quite silent lately. There are so many internal changes that I experience every day on my mat and outside of it, but I did not feel like writing about it…I did not find the words to express such deep reflections I’m having. And I did not feel it could interest or resonate with someone.

I am probably wrong, because I’m sure I’m not the only one that feels like this sometimes. But…sometimes we need to feel more and talk less. Just like a turtle, sometimes we need to hide ourselves and internalize these emotions until we are able to fully comprehend them and share them with the world.

Allow the time to bring more reflection into deeper changes that happen. Only after an extended period of time, we are able to get the true insight. At the beginning we are just scratching the surface…lying to yourselves and fantasizing about what we think we understand. When in fact…we know nothing.

Lately I’ve been feeling misunderstood by the society I live in. I’ve been feeling I no longer belong anywhere. Which is good and bad in the same time. It is so difficult to find someone that can resonate with what you say. And sometimes all you need is to  be understood. Completely understood…But people don’t have time for your own troubles, as long as people feel their own troubles are the most important.

I am in pain to see how much unconsciousness there is in the world. When you start working with your patterns, you might first feel you no longer know where is your place. And who you are after all? What you are? Chances are you are going to get confused. And most often that’s the crossroad towards a better you. Towards something big that is about to happen.

The human mind has a tendency to try to simplify complexity. It is easier to trick itself into thinking it understands. The truth is, at the moment I feel only someone more experienced than me and with a powerful self-discipline practice could understand why it is so hard to reshape yourself and detox from all unnecessary past experiences, emotions, likes and dislikes, take the lessons and move forward. Letting go…This is an expression that I dare to say many use without completely understanding its deeper meaning. Letting go is such a hard thing to do. Most times it takes a lifetime or more to “let go”…

When you completely accept something, only then can you be in peace and let go. Until then you keep fighting with yourself. “Moving forward” happens for most of us by locking our emotions, ignoring the signals our heart has been sending for a long time, pretending we are fine, preferring not to see…these are the easy ways. They can “help” for a short period of time, but they are not necessarily the most enriching ways to live our life. The most enriching way is most often the most difficult way.

I prefer to move forward by understanding myself better. Understanding why I think, act and feel in a certain way. What is the cause of that bad pattern or thought? Accept (which is so hard to do). Take the lesson from that experience. Let go. And smile. Move forward.

They say that life is a result of our imagination. It’s like we live in a dream…But because we are so much attached to our material world, to this body, our senses, thoughts, emotions and worldly experiences, we cannot see it all.

I look at the way our human society is build and I’ve been having mixed feelings lately…Through my own daily self-practice I feel that by understanding myself better, I can finally start to understand the world better. And hopefully some day become of use for the society. I also start to feel that we as living beings, we are special and magical, but in the same time ordinary and not special at all. It’s maybe when (and if) we become aware that we are in fact not special and any different from other living creatures in this world, that we are going to understand the real magic of life. Who knows? Maybe then we can finally arrive home. Maybe then we can see everything is interconnected.

I don’t know yet… Maybe some day I’ll find the answer…maybe there is no answer to be found at all…

Sometimes I feel the pain. The pain of the world. Maybe I’m more sensitive and artistic than I ever thought of myself…Maybe through the yoga method, I am finally getting home, to the center of my core, my essence. Who knows?  Anyhow, I am excited to see what is going to happen next. Until then I enjoy every single part of it and I am grateful I can see things much more clearly than I have ever seen them before. But this comes with huge responsibility…As my friend S. says “be careful what you wish for”…

From my heart to yours,

Lavinia

Do you have a powerful yoga practice? How do you feel this practice has changed your life? Do you feel alone in this society of ours?

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© Unfold Your Mat 2017